Playdoh is AWESOME!

Today's festivities peaked sometime in the early afternoon when Brooklynn asked me to get the play-doh out, shortly after we played some Wii bowling. I haven't played with play-doh in ages, so it was understandably a lot of fun. Played cards again tonight with the Joe/Will/Phil pack; I fared a little better this time, but Will still took all our money in the end.

Tomorrow will likely involve taking the train down to Newark, hanging around the city with Steve, checking out his digs, and flying back in the early morning before driving to distant Illinois; should be a very interesting weekend.
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Putting ones plans in the hands of God isn't blind fatalism, but prayerfully putting prudence into action.

Christ the uniter

Today was pretty slow; woke up relatively earlyl had breakfast on the deck with Dad, biked over to Indian Meadows for some tennis practice, visited the Kristol's in their care center with Mom, and renewed my love affair with Pizza Time for the first time in many months.

It's a funny question to be asked, "who do you dislike most in this church?" It's a fair question, because even within the body of Christ, we're all sinners and we're all going to offend one another. It's an evidence of the presence of Christ for one to be able to honestly say, ... "no one". It's a miracle that so many people, of such diverse backgrounds, personalities, social means and many such differences, can be united in a way that surpasses even the closest ties where the bond of Christ is not operative. As the song goes, ... blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood. A relationship built only on affinity, blood-relation, or even sexual attraction doesn't hold a candle to one based on a common reliance on the vicarious blood of Christ.

Christ the divider

Sunday at home, ... well sort of. Pastor McD preached all three sermons, drawing from a short paper based on the Proverb "where there is no vision, the people perish" and from the early verse of Galatians 1 where Paul is defending his apostleship. He made the point that speaking of morals, good news, and such won't get people upset with you, but speaking of Christ always will, apart from the grace of God.

"The world hates Christians if and when it sees Christ in them"
--somebody

I went over to Marissa's for a message-review/fellowship with some of the kids, it went pretty well apart from some teenage posturing from time to time. It was a good thing to see, many of the kids of that age having an interest in spiritual things enough to get together and discuss it for a little bit. I'm sure at this point it's not _really_ all about that, but every little bit helps. Poker with Joe, Will and Tim was a good time all around, though Will was the big winner this time.

One memorial day picnic, one softball game, lots more gabbing, ... all this and more sometime tomorrow.

Saturday with the 'rents

It wasn't a terribly eventful day, just hanging out with the 'rents and Joe, Candy, and the girls. I washed all the cars, played with the Wii, and did some errands and went out for Noodles and a helping of Toys'R'Us. I stopped by the Haynes [where the 'rents were for dinner] to see Dan and Priscilla and shoot the crap; Mark and Carrie were also there, having arrived just a few hours earlier. Poker wasn't an option for tonight, but it may be in the cards for tomorrow night, after two worship services and a 5th-Sunday lunch. It should be pretty interesting tomorrow, having not been in town for 5 months and all the older kids hopefully back for the picnic festivities.

According to my mom, I work well with children; I guess it's middle-child syndrome, but in a good way. There's something thrilling about watching a slowly dawning realization of the world; participating is even better. Apparently having 2 brothers and 4 semi-sisters pays some dividends a few years down the road. God usually gives talents for particular reasons, when we wait upon Him for opportunity to use them.
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You'll never get to the place where Jesus is all you need, until you've come a point where Jesus is all you've got. --Pastor Andy
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Anyone can tell you truth and many can speak with grace, but speaking the truth with grace takes a spiritual resurrection.

Flight; it's a metaphor

After an uneventful flight, I'm back home for a week. It's good to be back, except for the fact that Steve isn't around yet; hoping he'll make it up for part of the weekend. There's a chance I may catch part of my 10th reunion at Union, It's hard to believe that it's been 10 whole years since I finished up my bachelors; God has been very good.

A thought from a few months ago that's come back to mind; it must have been the plane ride--
God is piloting the plane of my life. I don't know where this plane is destined. I don't know what the ride will be like. I don't know what passengers will be sitting near me, or how I will relate to them. Some of them may change seats and be far away for a short time or even for a lifetime. But I know who's flying the plane, what He's like, and that He controls even the storms and tubulence. He is faithful to bring me to the heavenly Disney Land where I will be happy with Him, and that's enough for me. Maybe I should be a teacher some day, I sometimes seem so have some unusual but very applicable applications of spiritual matters. I only pray that those who He has chosen to receive them will benefit by them to their eternal good.

I am willing

4 hours of sleep, 4 hours of flying, and I'll be in a far away place far north of here. Joe Lee is in town for a few days, though a dinner at Chili's is all I'm going to see of him since I'm out of here. He's off to SF for school in a month, so maybe I'll see him when I'm out there in July.

Father has preserved me in ways incredible to me, not even counting the ways that I am oblivious to. I've been kept from many things and people who would do my soul harm, at times through my own diligence and many times through an inexplicable overruling of my own will, to the point where I am confused after the fact why I behaved as I did. When a sovereign Divine Will meets a free human will, something has to God. Praise God that it's been my will that's been brought low.

Some people would argue "a strong person can look temptation in the eye and turn it down." Proverbs says "a prudent man sees the evil and hides himself." The best way to defeat an enemy is to deny it battle. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Inaction requires no faith, but courage depends on faith. Taking things into your own hands requires no submission and patience depends on faith.

I'm willing to take this risk, if given the opportunity. Father, reveal the opportunity if Your will deems it to my good, and I will take the step in faith. There's no other way I'd rather live.

Call a spade a spade

I really hate it when people refer to their "demons" as if that explains why they've done something; this goes for news reporters when they call up past events that were just evil. There are no "demons" of racism or any other evil anywhere, there are simply sinners doing what they do best -- sinning. Stop passing the buck.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070524/ts_alt_afp/uspoliticsracism_070524134732

Prayer + sitting on your butt = Nil

I didn't get too much done today, and it wasn't even because I finally acquired a Wii this morning. Warren and I went to Bailey's rather than trivia, but that was the lion's share of my social interaction of the day.

I wonder what the active voice correlary to the saying "trust in God, but lock your car" is. It's a very easy thing to denounce hyper-Calvinism in matters of redemption while unknowingly practicing it in other areas of life. It can be as benign as thinking that once we've prayed for something that we should just believe that it will happen, while sitting on you butt and not exercising available means. You can pray for God to help you catch a fish all you want, but if you don't bait the hook, cast it, and keep casting it until you catch a fish, then your prayer isn't going to accomplish much. Leaving off the executing of means and expecting God to answer a prayer is tantamount to putting Him "to the test", as the devil tried to get Christ to do in the desert, and it's just a wrongheaded as it was then. God, give me the will to go with the courage, tact, and the rest.

A Wii bit of anticipation

Today was largely uneventful, spent waiting for people to reply so I can get things done. Evan and Christy made an interesting chicken dish for supper; who'd have thought I'd like something with sauce-less pasta, onions, sausage, chicken, and peppers... but it was really tasty. I got a line on some Wii's that are due to show up at a local store tomorrow, so I'm going to try to snag one first thing tomorrow. Just a day or two more, then I'm off to NY for a week and then a long drive to Illinois and back.

It's a very difficult thing to watch someone who is dying of cancer. It cranks it up a notch when it's someone who you've grown up with and is about your age. It would a miracle for God to heal his disease at this stage; most people would acknowledge that. What most people would miss is that the composure to accept the will of God cheerfully even when it crosses your own in such a drastic way is a far greater miracle and equally impossible by mere human means. If I have one wish for my trip to NY, it would be to be given grace-filled words to speak to a my friends up there who are hurting and a few of whom yet have no grace in their hearts, despite being surrounded with it from their youth. Jesus always displayed that gift, knowing exactly the words that honed in on the real heart issues so intently that almost makes me squirm when reading them.

It's very easy, when confronted by serious issues, to resort to generalization, cliches, and small talk, suppressing discussion of deeper issues to avoiding offense or potentially tense reactions. It's really just garden-variety cowardice, when it comes down to it. What better opportunity could there be to talk about spiritual issues than in a context that brings the issues of life and death into sharp relief? God, give me the courage to say what needs to be said, regardless of the potential cost, and give me tact to match. If any man lacks courage and tact, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach.

Weakness, the only prerequisite

It's been a good day-- made some chocolate oatmeal cookies, listened to two very good messages on Christian service, watched some deacons get installed, and had dinner at Bocci's with Evan, Christy, and Warren.

Both of our messages ended up being on Christian service, but I don't think it was planned that way. Pastor Gary started in the morning with an extended introduction drawn from several texts and also pulling some inspiration from the life of Jerry Falwell. As it was a part of a series on married couples, it didn't stay there, though much of what was said was more widely applicable. The second of the two was brought by Pastor Andy in connection with the installation of the new deacons, based primarily on the qualification list in 1 Timothy 3. He also went to the passage in 2 Corinthians 12 where Paul speaks of delighting in weakness that the power of Christ would be manifested in him.

It's all too easy to pray for the strength to do something that I want to do or for which I have an aptitude. While Christ often chooses to bless endeavors like this, it is often difficult to know when I've left off confidence in the arm of flesh and am really proceeding in His strength alone. It's a far different thing to pray for the ability to go out and do something that you keenly feel your ineptitude in doing and that scares that crap out of you. That's where the weakness that Paul speaks of kicks in, and that's where you have to go if you want to live a life in which the grace and power of Christ will shine.
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You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near
---
Father, I know that all my life is portioned out for me
the changes that are sure to come I do not fear to see
I ask Thee for a present mind intent on pleasing Thee

I would not have the restless will that hurries to and fro
seeking for some great thing to do or secret thing to know
I would be treated as a child and guided where I go

I ask Thee for the daily strength, to none that ask denied,
a mind to blend with outward life, while keeping by Thy side,
content to fill a little space, if Thou be glorified

In service which Thy will appoints, there are no bounds for me
my inmost heart is taught the truth that makes Thy children free.
A life of self-renouncing love is one of liberty

Lazy Saturday

Saturdays were made for lying around, shopping, and general mayhem. Between no frisbee, being generally tired from working until 3am multiple nights, and having nothing pressing to do,... it didn't help. Dinner was at Tripp's with Andy Miller and his wife and son who were driving though back to Norfolk. It's been a busy week... looking forwards to another refilling.

P is for Portuguese

The first rehearsal for the Brazil group was this evening; it was a good deal of a trip before, even more so to find out that we'll be doing a half dozen songs in the repertoire that I've done before an d that all happen to be very high on my favorites list. Now if I could just speak Portuguese. After practicing lyrics from some of the native songs we're going to be doing.... oy! and I thought Spanish and French were hard to get.

The CyberGuard driver is nearing completion; it's been perhaps overestimated as far as it's difficulty, but it's still been an interesting project that's made me learn a few new things.

Give me neither poverty nor riches, lest I either profane Your name or forget You entirely. It's distressingly amazing how lazy one can become in prayer when things seem to be going well. If it can be said that we are always safe in the hands of God, it can equally be said that we are always in danger apart from His blessing. No matter how well things may seem to be going, all can collapse like a house of cards apart from His continual preservation. If that's not a motivation to continual prayer, then I don't know what is; it's the flip-side of 'ye have not because ye ask not.'

Just a night, morning, and afternoon til' Shrek 3!

sometimes E for Effort isn't enough

Well, the gauntlet has been thrown; apparently there is a lot riding on this driver that I've been asked to write. It's been a while since I've worked on something where I have a tangible near-term deadline, a challenging project, and something that at least a few important people care about. It's a blessing to have a job that you're into enough that you're up till 4am working on it.

Being a Calvinist, I inherently trust my longterm future in a power beyond my own ability. That said, it's still requires a surprising amount of mortification to abandon hope in my own ability for more immediate or tangible forms of success. God, give me the grace to use Your gifts with maximum effectiveness without depending on that effort.

Maybe I'm bad at poker because I can't read people very well. As the other night demonstrates, I can at least tell when I'm being hit on, though it usually takes a 2x4 applied to my cranium. Strike the scoffer and the naive will become wise. I wonder if it's possible to be both people in that proverb. It's clearly past my bedtime, hence the rambling.

w00t

I finally got a driver assignment, and it's a doozy... in a good way. It's a good thing to have things to do to keep one's mind busy, especially since it seems to be drifting quite a bit of late. The Redmond office has hired a new driver team manager, and we had a meet-and-greet teleconference with him this morning; he seems to be a real go-getter. It's probably because he's a contractor, but every little bit helps, given the recent seemingly near-complete stalling of all driver projects out of the Cary office. It's going to be an interesting week, and that's not even counting the very long conversation Keith is going to insist on having on certain recent developments.

Sometimes I think it would be really cool to be psychic, or maybe a mind reader. Of course then I wouldn't have the "I'm not a mindreader!" excuse when I miss someone's unspoken hint. I guess it's not that bad after all not having the gift. As Keith is so quick to point out, I miss a lot. That said, even that lack is included the plan of God, perhaps to make me trust more in the enlightening of the indwelling Spirit than in my own perceptions. If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives willingly and without reproach. If it's important to His plan, I'll perceive it but if not, then I'm fine with missing it. That sounds fatalistic, but it's actually not.

The new math: $1 > $100,000

Sometimes it almost unnerves me when I pray specifically that God would draw my sins to attention under the Word and it happens almost like clockwork. Maybe that's the fear of God, recognizing that He can use someone who isn't speaking to me specifically to hit me where it counts from 1000 yards, so to speak. Or maybe it's just a "wow, He knows all that about me and still loves me anyways."

I have never, to my knowledge, heard a Mother's day sermon drawn from the story of the Widow's Mite.... until today. Drawn from the narrative of Mark 12:41-44, it tells the story of the widow that Jesus saw depositing her last few dollars, so to speak, into the temple treasury after observing many others, including the very wealthy, giving large amounts of money. As pastor Andy put it, Jesus was more interested in her state of mind [giving what she had to live on] than the amount, saying that her $1 was greater than the tithes of relative millionaires.

Pastor Andy went on to apply this example to mothers, who, at least in my case, put in a lot of largely unseen effort over a lifetime being a manager, waitress, teacher, counselor, and example to their children. I have the benefit of hindsight, but I'm sure I still don't quite see all that my mom has done over the years and continues to do.

He also gave the example of people from Time Mag's "power givers", very well making the point that Jesus does not condemn those rich He saw making their donations, as if somehow they must be doing it out of pride, self-righteousness or something worse. There are many rich that God has moved upon to support His church through their tithes and gifts. I'm sure that I'm not completely replicating the spirit in which he said those words, but I recall noting that he seemed to have hit the perfect balance of valuing and praising what the widow did without denigrating the similarly spirited gifts of those who have a lot more to give.

Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold
Take my intellect, and use
every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my love, my Lord, I pour
at thy feet it's treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee

Take 2 in 30 minutes

Graduation

Today was a busy, sleep-depriving day; Evan, Christy, and Liz had their diploma and hooding ceremonies, with plenty of pictures all taken all around. Liz's ceremony was in the morning, so after a _very_ short night of sleep I ran odd to it with her family, and after 2 hours went back to her apartment for some sandwiches. The statistics department ceremony was in the early afternoon, followed by a savory lunch/dinner at Fridays! and a _rousing_ 3-hour game of Bang! with all the kids. We all had a great time, though it'd probably been a little more enjoyable if I hadn't been so short on sleep. Didn't get to go to Evan's ceremony due to lack of tickets, but hopefully the pictures will be good.

There's a reason why the Sabbath is the day of rest. I just wish I wasn't always in such dire need of physical rest to concentrate more on my opportunity to focus on spiritual rest more. God has been very good to me and mine these last few days; hopefully I'll appreciate in more than a general way (and actually write of it) once I've had some actual sleep.

Time well spent

It's 2:30 and I'm finally home after 2.5 hours driving, swing dancing, dinner, and another 2.5 hours driving. And just 6 precious hours until I have to be in Raleigh picking up siblings to take to Liz's graduation. It's too bad I'm off caffeine, or this wouldn't be all that bad. That said, it was time very well spent. I remember a lot of things from the classes I took, but it's been ... soooo ... long that I'm a bit out of practice. Still, ballroom dancing is something I've missed doing for said long time, both for it's social aspects as much as its aerobic workout. It's been a while since I've had that good of a time, to say the least, both for the activity and the company.

It's a confusing thing when you ask God for things and don't get them. It's still more confusing then when you don't think to ask and yet the good things keep rolling in. It really shouldn't be; it's only confusing if you believe in a merit salvation, that God'll give you good things in accord with your faithfulness. When you realize that His gifts are in accordance with a perfect Divine Righteousness that's been credited to your account, should it really be a surprise that God gives so lavishly? How could He do anyone else for someone who possesses such a righteousness? Now that's grace with a capital G, that we've been given that gift for nothing more than the cost of simple faith. Not to mention that He's given the faith as well. Praise be to God for His indescribable gift!

God is in control

I finally made it out of the house at last, though that was about the highlight of the day. This is going to be an interesting weekend in the providence of God, or at least I think so in my limited understanding. In fact, this next month or so will probably be as well, for a few reasons. Whatever comes of it, it's in His hands.

If there's a cure to nervousness about the future, it can be found solely in the realization that God is working out His will, even in the littlest things. How can you worry about what people will think or how they'll react when He is the one in control, of them as much as of every circumstances? Inasmuch as worrying about the future is contrary to Romans 8, so much is fretting over the past.

Till next time

I think I managed to spend the entire day without walking out the front door even once. I got somethings done, but on the whole it was a slow day. I think I've made up my mind on the decision that's been bouncing around my brain, now I am just praying for the grace to know how to handle myself.

God works in mysterious ways

Today was an average day, spent waiting for things to do. Things look to be speeding up soon, at long last, with some additional management being brought on to help things along.

Some friends are good because they shed light on an aspect of a dilemma that you hadn't considered. Some friends are good because they tell you what you knew already but needed to head again. Some friends are good because they smack you around with something you should have known but didn't want to admit. I guess I got a little of all of them tonight, in regard to a quandary that has been put to me of late. Somehow I think that prayer and a little prudent sense will avail me more than advice, but advice is a good thing none the less.

God works in mysterious ways. It's a phrase so oft quoted that it's nearly a cliche, and yet it's real meaning is lost on most of those who would use it to bolster their faith. Sadly, it is often used to explain the operation of providence bringing something into our lives; surely there must be some deeper purpose in some painful or otherwise unwanted thing being in my life. It's used as a way to make sense of things, to fit circumstances that contradict our chosen plans into place. In fact, this line of reasoning is completely self-focused, as if to bend God's manifested means into my plans.

God doesn't follow our rules, either in His chosen means or His chosen ends. The truism that God works in mysterious ways can only be properly understood when we abandon the foolish notion what we know what's best for us. God's ends are as mysterious as his means. Yet His works are as much present in our reactions as they are in the circumstances that educe them, because He knows us better than we know ourselves. It's so easy to fall into the "God brought such and such into my life, so He must be wanting thus and such for me. Such an attitude is the very opposite of faith, which is the hope of things not seen.

God, give me the ability to look past my own desires and, more importantly, my seemingly providential circumstances, to follow in faith without reading my own wants into Your will.

A closed mouth gathers no feet

Today was an ordinary day, complete with driver bug fixing, washing my car, a friend passing her last undergraduate exams, and of course, me opening my fat mouth. Only one of these things doesn't happen very often. hint: it's not #4.

I'm not usually a person given to foul language. Unlike many of the people I know, even a few I'd count as Christians, don't always exercise the control I wish they would. That said, I catch myself (and often don't catch myself) saying things that I'm ashamed of. James leaps to mind, "if anyone can bridle his tongue, he is a perfect man". "Out of the same mouth come both praise and cursing; my brothers, this should not be." "And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the Righteous." " He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy." 'Nuff said.

"Jesus saves" is as redundant as ATM machine and PIN number.

Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD;
keep watch over the door of my lips.
--Ps 141:3

Ignore at your own risk

Today was a rather normal Lord's day, between having lunch with the Houseneckt's, practicing with the choir, eating dinner with the kids, and hopefully absorbing some truth from the messages.

The morning message from Colossians 1 centered on Paul's praying for that church as an example of intercessory prayer. Pastor Gary made a point of the fact that a major facet of one's spiritual health can be judged from the content of their prayer, particularly in how much one's prayer goes beyond a jumble of generalisms, "please work out what _I've_ planned" and praying for one's own needs. Sadly, that remark hit home a little more than I'd expected, because these three characterize my prayers a lot more than I'd like to admit. I'm glad for a church that believes both in the exposition of Scripture and applicatory preaching.

The evening message continued a short series to married couples setting out a facet of marriage often overlooked, their duty to serve Christ and His kingdom as a unit, not simply as individuals. While it wasn't quoted, 2 Corinthians 6:15 at company came to mind in a big way, probably in connection with recent events. The cited duty certainly illustrates the truth of that passage, even though it is easily ignored in emotional immaturity; it is certainly ignored at great peril.

This just in: nothing

Today was a day of rest... literally. I think I'm finally off caffeine again; the headaches have passed. It's been a relaxing day, despite the lack of frisbee in the morning. I'm running on empty, looking forward to another fill up tomorrow. Warren replaced his car yesterday after it died and got the loan information finalized this morning; he's got a Ford Escape SUV now.

I had more to write from things that came to mind today, but they've flown from my mind; more tomorrow.

The evening hangs beneath the moon
a silver thread on darkened dune
with closing eyes and resting head
I know that sleep is coming soon
--"Sleep", Eric Whitacre

The oldest lie

It's been a long day, between bug fixing, Thai-food-eating, Spiderman 3 and a few drinks over at Tyler's. I think I'm off caffeine now, the headaches have passed; hopefully I'll be able to keep it up for a while.

It's an interesting feeling to realize you relate to the parts of a movie where the main character gets screwed over and not to the parts where things are made right. Granted, it's blunted completely by a proper understanding of the providence of God. Still, it's a strange sensation.

"The best things in life are either illegal, immoral, or fattening" is something I saw recently in someone's facebook quotes. It's perhaps the biggest lie that our native depravity tries to pull-- "God is out to ruin your fun." If it's forbidden, then it's what you _really_ need. It's a lie that's been around since the beginning of the world; it's almost a literal translation of Satan's temptation back in the garden of Eden. "God knows that the day you take what he's forbidden, you'll be like Him." In fact, nothing could be further from the truth; everything He's commanded was so ordered because it contributes to our happiness. It's nothing more than folly and arrogance on our part to assume that we know better, that we could find any lasting happiness to speak of outside of His wise will.

I love programming

If God's given me a gift, it has to have been the gift of programming. Whether it's breaking out a completely new application, maintaining existing code, in depth problem solving, or making something to fix a particular task, I've been given a gift that not too many people have. I suppose what brings it to mind is having just dug into a particularly complex problem and coming out with a solution that does what I need it to, in a clean, and in a well ordered way. Some people get their kicks from meticulous organization of their room; I get about the same from a well written programming solution.

It's been a long day of bug-fixing, combined with some Oh! Brian's ribs and picking Warren up after his car bought the farm. It'll be good to get into the office tomorrow, after having been out for two days now, and I actually have _work_ I can do. w00t!

I've got a lot of gift, but God is fair; thankfully He does a good job of reminding me of that. It's made me rely on Him that much more, especially when the flesh comes knocking. Nathan gave the example at last Sunday's bible study of a dog begging for crumbs at the table; we were talking about the words of James 4 where we're commanded "resist the devil, and he will flee from you." A lot of times I find myself rationalizing myself into sin when a temptation comes my way, figuring "well, it's just this little thing; it's not all that bad", not remembering that if you give a dog food from the table to get rid of him, he'll just come back twice as insistent the next time. John Owen had it right-- "be killing sin, or it will be killing you." You can't give it an inch, or it'll take a mile and then some. And to all my deluded Arminian friends out there, Catholics and otherwise, while you'll never do that well enough to keep yourself in grace, but thank God, Someone's already done it vicariously, if you'll take it on credit.

When it rains, it pours

After being relatively idle for several days, I finally have some work to do, even though it's just been end-of-month checkins and a unit test. For once, it was a crazy busy day, at least for part of it. It's Liz's 21st birthday today; presumably she's out getting wasted somewhere. If that were even possible, it'd be amusing to say the least.

Having had no sister's growing up, it's been an interesting experience watching my 4 _sisters_ grow up. It's rounded off a many aspects of my character, in ways that I'm sure I don't fully appreciate. There's a reason why they say that women civilize men.

God works in mysterious ways, because I never noticed the changes as they happen. As power of observation notice things that I see others doing, I often have cause to think "wow, I used to do that too". It's like my dad used to say- everything a few years back looks really immature, but the present seems fine... until a few years down the line when you realize you were wrong. Is it a humble thing to say "well I may not be all that great now, but I used to be a whole whole lot worse"? I'm sure I have plenty of flaws right now that I'm not going to notice until later on, to continue the cycle.