Thoughts on Breastfeeding Now

when Gemma was about 2 months old . . . I nursed her while simultaneously eating stir-fry with chopsticks and was quite proud of myself . . . note the nursing cover to the right . . .

You might be thinking, "What more is there to say than that she loves it?" It's true; I do love it. Having to pump milk exclusively for six weeks taught me to appreciate the privilege of breastfeeding even more. But after reviewing Janet Tamaro's So That's What They're For! as a pregnant person (here and here), I thought I should give something of a follow-up now that I have a baby on the outside and have some experience of my own. It's even almost in time for Mother's Day. :)

Now for the PG part . . .

Nursing Gemma has changed how I view my body for the simple reason that I have never touched or looked at my own breasts this much before in my life. When I was exclusively pumping, I called them the "work horses."

I'm actually very glad that I wrote that post about the sexuality of breasts, because now that they're performing their other primary function about eight times a day, it's easy to forget. I can see why some moms feel comfortable nursing openly in public. We just get used to a baby needing them all the time! What's the big deal? My husband (rightly) wants to make sure that I'm discreet and use my cover. To be honest, though, if I hadn't sworn to the blogging world that I would do just that, I might have caved to doing what is easier.

Receiving blankets work for some, but not for me . . . I have to be able to see my baby . . .

Speaking of covers, it appears that my friend is no longer making them for sale. There are, of course, lots of places to get them, and some people manage completely without them, but I do not seem to be one of those people! When Gemma was three weeks old, we were at my parents' home. I was trying to nurse her using a receiving blanket for a cover, but she was having trouble latching so I ended up under the blanket, too. John decided from then on that the cover ALWAYS goes with us!

One more thing. As Christians, "we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). It's a comfort to know that tough times are for good reasons, even though we can't always see the reasons. Sometimes we get to see the reasons later on. When my arms were out of commission, I learned that I was not in control of my life, and that was good. But God graciously has already produced more good out of that trial. He wanted this little one's mother to choose life for her, and to choose a loving Christian family for her, and He wanted her to have the extra milk that Gemma didn't need.

"Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works
Which You have done;
And Your thoughts toward us
Cannot be recounted to You in order;
If I would declare and speak of them,
They are more than can be numbered."

Psalm 40:5

Liking STWTF!

After a healthy critiquing of Janet Tamaro's So that's what they're for!, I thought I should share some things I really LIKE about her book so far! It is very informative, easy-to-read and she explains things in a way which make them make sense. Back when I was in chapter 8, though, I noted some quotations which I really liked. Chapter 8 is called "Getting Some Sleep (Some What?)." :-)

p. 145-146 "Dr. Jay Gordon puts it a bit more succinctly: 'If your goal in life is to get your sleep, you made a mistake about nine months ago.' . . . Infants don't sleep the way we do, and we shouldn't expect them to, any more than we should expect them to walk and talk when they're born."

p. 146 "At 6 months, babies are physiologically able to sleep through the night without food--that doesn't mean they will. . . . "

p. 147 "They are waking you up not to bug you, but because they are hungry and need to be fed."

I suppose it's easy for me to take these thoughts in stride since I haven't lived the months of sleep-deprivation yet. Still, the prospect makes me think of some of the things Jesus said, like in Matthew 10:42

"And whoever in the name of a disciple gives to one of these little ones even a cup of cold water to drink, truly I say to you, he shall not lose his reward."

And John 15:13
"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."

Surely, laying aside our sleep for the sake of a helpless little one is a huge way we can demonstrate this kind of Christ-like love. And if we ever lose sight of why we're doing it in the first place, we can try to remember this final thing which Tamaro said:

p. 148 "Some of the most 'difficult' babies grow up to be some of the brightest, most creative people."

:-)

A Blessing Indeed

My father-in-law is full of wisdom. Years ago when John had gone through a break-up, his dad told him something like, "You can say all you want about getting over it, but you never really will until there's someone else."  John recalled this thought when we were discussing when to try to conceive again after losing our first loved, little one in December at 10 weeks. 

I think it's a true statement in either case.  I've experienced what it is to come to a point where I trust my Father for His timing, even though I don't understand, but until He blesses again, our human arms are still empty. 

We're so, so thankful that He has blessed us again.  I still miss my first baby--I still ache for others who have lost or never conceived--but we have a renewed hope before us.  Surely, our heavenly Father is very kind to us. 

"I went out full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the LORD has witnessed against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?" Ruth 1:21

"The neighbor women gave him a name, saying, 'A son has been born to Naomi!' So they named him Obed. He is the father of Jesse, the father of David." Ruth 4:17

Gretchen Waxes Controversial, part 2

As our wedding date approached and my frustration with finding an ethical form of birth control abounded, I submitted a question to ylcf.org.  I had a feeling that some of the contributors there would be like-minded, and I asked specifically if they knew of any hormonal birth control options which only prevented ovulation.

One of the girls, who is also a newlywed, sent me a very long personal e-mail in reply!  She didn't know of any ethical hormonal options, either, but she told me some more about NFP and another method I'd never heard of called the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM). 

From that info session back in college, I knew the basic premise of NFP.  A healthy woman ovulates once a month, so she is only fertile for a limited number of days.  A married couple seeking to avoid pregnancy would simply abstain from intimacy during those days.  But I wasn't sure if this was the best idea.  1 Corinthians 7 talks about a husband and wife giving to each other freely.  Would my husband really go for that much abstinence?  And what if our honeymoon was a fertile time?  I'd also dismissed NFP in my mind because I assumed that it was the same as the "rhythm method," about which I'd always heard "it doesn't work." 

FAM, I learned, is sort of a hybrid between NFP and using a barrier to prevent pregnancy.  I don't know why I'd hardly heard of our thought of barriers before.  True, they are not as convenient as a pill and have somewhat statistically lower success rates in preventing pregnancy.  But it seems like barriers are under-rated.  There are several options out there, and with FAM, you don't even need to use them all the time.  You just use them during your fertile times. 

In that revelationary and revolutionary e-mail, I learned about a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler.  I got my own copy almost for free on paperbackswap.com.  While the rhythm method assumes that all women have perfect 28-day cycles, Weschler discusses in detail how to use NFP or FAM effectively by charting your own fertility signs.  Her book definitely isn't written from a Christian perspective, but it's an indispensible guide to either method.  Her book also discusses in depth how to use charting to help achieve pregnancy. 

I believe that recent studies have shown links between the use of hormonal birth control and increased health risks to women.  I haven't researched these studies very much, but because of them I'm especially thankful to have learned about FAM.  Ylcf.org now has a more detailed explanation of the two methods on its "married" blog.  And if anyone is interested in learning about some good online charting sites or other resources, I'd be happy to share them with you personally.  

Many of you know that John and I decided mid-October that we would like to have a baby if the Lord blessed us with one.  And He did, right away, but then He saw fit to allow us to lose that baby in mid-December.  I still miss that little one a lot, and I bring him up again to let you know that we didn't get pregnant because FAM failed.  In fact, I now know of women who have used FAM or NFP to successfully avoid pregnancy for a number of years, and then achieved a pregnancy shortly thereafter.  We know that God hasn't failed us, either, and we're learning to love Him and trust Him more, I hope, every day.

Gretchen Waxes Controversial

Today's topic is rather personal, but what I've learned about it in the past year or so is just too good not to share. It's the topic of family planning.

I know that there are many varieties of views on this subject. John and I both see family planning as consistent with the stewardship which mankind has been given by God over the earth. Left to itself, a man's hair will grow very long, but hardly any Christian will say that a man shouldn't cut his hair because long hair is "natural" and God causes it to grow. That's a silly example, but illustrates our basic understanding of stewardship in family planning, as well.

John and I both love and hope to have children. We've observed families who have been surprised with multiple, unanticipated sets of twins and families who have not been able to have their own children for years, so we recognize that, ultimately, the size of one's family is in God's hands and not ours. Still, we recognize a family's responsibility to use wisdom in all matters, including family planning. When we were engaged, we agreed that it would be wise to wait a little while before trying to have children.

During my senior year of college, I had randomly gone to an info session on "Natural Family Planning." I was having an easy semester, so I had some flexibility for things like that, and it sounded interesting. The session was led by a Catholic couple, and they provided information for engaged couples about classes in Natural Family Planning (NFP). One thing that I remember hearing was that birth control pills could cause abortions. Apparently, one function of "the pill" was to thin the uterine lining to prevent a fertilized egg from implanting and developing further. That gave me some pause, but I filed away what I'd heard for some time in the future.

A few months before our wedding, I visited that dreaded lady doctor and told her I was interested in birth control. She fetched me a sample pack of pills, no questions asked. But when I asked her if these particular pills thinned the uterine lining to prevent implantation, she paused. She read the package information. She clearly knew where I was going mentally, affirmed that, unfortunately, they did, and suggested that I go home and think about it before taking them.

Now, I understand that the primary function of hormonal birth control is to prevent ovulation. If there's no egg, there can be no baby. But since hardly any drug performs perfectly every time, the manufacturers of this pill had added a drug with the secondary function I already described. Doubtless, most of the time this pill was effective in preventing ovulation, but just in case an egg did get through and got fertilized, the secondary function would ensure that it wouldn't be able to continue to develop as a baby. In other words, there was a slim chance of undetected abortion.

I found this to be incredibly frustrating. Why couldn't birth control pills simply prevent ovulation? If there were such a pill that did, I was going to find it. I began researching drug after drug online. Sometimes all I read about a drug was that it prevented ovulation, but when I dug a little further, I always found that it also thinned the uterine lining to prevent implantation. I used drugs.com a lot and at some point stumbled on http://krohse.com/index.html, which is a website from a Christian perspective. Some pill marketers claim that they do not terminate pregnancies, but what I discovered was that they often define the beginning of pregnancy as the point at which a fertilized egg implants into the uterine lining. If such pills prevent this from happening to start with, then of course it is impossible for them to harm a developing baby after that point. But I believe that life starts as soon as that little egg and little sperm meet.

To be continued . . .