Susanna’s Story, part 2

Baby was due August 22, and we left California in June. It all happened pretty fast, but we decided it was insane to drive the whole family across the country, and I wouldn’t be allowed to fly after a certain point. So, I flew in late June with Ruth, Mercy, a big pregnant belly, and the kindness of strangers. John and Gemma planned their epic road trip to bring the van home and we met up in NY after maybe 10 days, in time for the big Burchett July 4th picnic. I got pampered by my mother while we waited for them!

After July 4th, we all drove down to NC together and started the GIANT task of moving back into our house. Most of our stuff was still there, but we brought more stuff back with us from CA, so we had to sort, downsize, get everyone adjusted to living in a different house with different friends in a different state, and get ready for Susanna to be born! 

It was during this period that we decided on her name! I have vivid pregnancy dreams, and one night back in California I had dreamed that I gave birth to a RABBIT named Providence. I thought it was so funny that I shared this story with our pastor’s wife, Sue, and she laughed along with me and said she liked the name. That was when I remembered that our church was also named Providence. When the ladies had a farewell baby shower for us a few weeks later, they put a furry white rabbit on the table as a joke and said that it was Providence. 

Well, after that we decided we had to name our baby Providence to honor the people who had meant so much to us in that California season. It was also so very clear that God in His providence was at work in our live directing the job changes, the doctor changes which had been so significant for Ruthie, all the moving about, and even Susu’s very existence. We hadn’t planned her but He had. 

We also liked the old-fashioned, Puritan kind of sound to Providence, but we didn’t want to give her a first name that was too weird. We settled on Susanna mostly because it fit with the theme of honoring our California church, with three Sues among their tiny gathering. We also liked the rhythm of the two names together and thought that it sounded classic enough to go with our other girls’ names. 

It was also during this time that we got our birth team together, and the way that happened was neat. With all my other babies, our birth team was John + whichever midwife and nurse were on call. John is a great birth partner and all our births have been good, but there had been hard moments when he had to step away. I dreamed of having a doula, and wouldn’t a birth photographer be amazing? We’re pretty frugal, though, and some people pay thousands of dollars for this kind of birth support. Our hospital has a volunteer doula program for women who show up to the hospital and want to try an unmedicated birth. We considered that. We also considered my college friend, Johannah, who is a doula and is settled very near us in NC.

Johannah and I hadn’t talked in a while, but I’m so thankful that we reconnected! Connecting with people was a lesson we learned from our time in California and I’m so glad we did. You don’t know how long you have our how life will change—don’t put it off! Johannah was enthusiastic about helping with our birth. She did have a family vacation planned for the week after our due date which she was not willing to miss, so she couldn’t guarantee her presence. Normally that peace of mind is an important part of hiring a doula, but we were willing to work with her schedule and miss having her there if the baby was late. Johannah graciously offered only to charge us half-price for attending our birth. If she couldn’t be there, we had the option of the volunteer doulas as back-up.

We also contacted Abi of artismad.com to see if she’d be interested in shooting our birth. She is a long-time family friend with a photography side business, and she also said yes—if possible!  Our due date was her first day of law school. 

At this point I was 35-36 weeks pregnant and just couldn’t believe how nicely things were coming together. Because of Johannah’s and Abi’s schedules, we were hopeful that baby would come early, and I was pretty confident that she would. Mercy had been born 10 days before her due date—so early that I had been caught off guard. Well, I wasn’t going to let that happen again. I enjoyed shopping for my labor bag and hospital stay and got them all ready in plenty of time.  Nesting is such a sweet experience. The waiting, the hoping—the never knowing when it will be.

On the other hand, my mom was flying into town on my due date. Naturally, we wanted to maximize our time with her and make the most of her help. If baby waited until she came, it would be a blessing to the older girls to have Grammy there during my hospital stay.  We had two friends on call as backup babysitters—Becca and Lolly Wright. It touches me to remember this, as Lolly is now with the Lord.

By 38 weeks, I went to bed every night thinking “this might be it!” And by 39.5, I was already feeling overdue. Once again, the Lord trumped my plans with His greater ones.

Becoming Four Little Women

Susanna was our first surprise baby, and her early existense was a challenge for me. Though we had dreamed of more babies some day, there were good reasons to wait. I had so appreciated the 3 years between Ruth and Mercy, but  Mercy and this new baby would be 21 months apart. I was on two medications for an old shingles infection at the time, and was slowly tapering off them, but pregnancy complicated that; I’d have to stop one of them early for baby’s sake.  The second drug was relatively harmless, as far as we knew, and my doctor advised me to continue it, but I didn’t love exposing my baby to a drug for my sake. These things troubled me. With our insurance situation at the time, I couldn’t even see my familiar midwives. During my previous pregnancies, I had been able (by God’s grace!) to maintain a good and thankful attitude during morning sickness—the prize would be so worth it!  But this time I struggled with acknowledging God’s sovereignty and goodness. It felt more like He was teaching us some lessons of humility. Maybe He was.

Given the circumstances, it was almost shocking to me to see a healthy little bean at the 8 week ultrasound! At this time, Ruthie was about five months post-op and still had hardware in her skull. A few weeks after baby’s ultrasound, Ruth developed an infection related to that hardware and was admitted to the hospital.  That night was a hard one. There would be surgery in the morning, and Ruthie was very congested and inconsolable. She couldn’t get to sleep. As 9:00 PM came and my energy started to drain away in pregnancy fatigue, I didn’t know how I could be there for Ruthie all night. The next day, John had to come in with the other two girls to stay with Ruth while I went downstairs to my OB checkup. I apologized to the doctor because I hadn’t showered, changed clothes, or even put on deodorant since the night before. The timing of everything pregnancy-related just seemed wrong. I cried out to the Lord often to strengthen me, and asked other saints on social media to help us hold the ropes! I know they did. 

As we got into the second trimester, things started looking up. After some encouragement from friends and much persistence, I was finally able to transfer my prenatal care to some midwives in our insurance network. They were new to me, but immediately felt like a better fit. They respected my experience as a fourth-time mom and as a woman who had worked hard to inform herself. They approached pregnancy with positive attitudes instead of seeming constantly to find some little thing that might go wrong. I could give birth here! Everything would be ok. 

A few weeks after that, things changed even more. John got notified by his employers that our request to transfer back to telecommuting was granted! We fully expected them to reduce his salary to east-coast level and prepared to move back to NC. This had been our plan all along, and I was happy! It had been a good, good season in California and the goodbyes would be hard. We would have to move cross-country while pregnant for a second time. But I could have my baby at UNC. Maybe I could even have a doula! Maybe even a birth photographer.

What I didn’t know at the time was that all these steps were leading up to the most smooth and peaceful birth I would experience to this point. God would even be so gracious as to give us the easiest baby ever this time. He wasn’t going to let my plans work out to glorify me and my good sense. No, I am His child and He can’t let that happen. He would work through my life in His own mysterious ways to bring Himself all the glory. He had not forgotten us.

Lilly’s Birth Story

We moved cross-country while I was pregnant with Lilly, just as we did with the two sisters before her! But this time I was looking forward to returning to the small hospital-based midwife office I had so appreciated for Mercy’s birth.

In God’s kindness, everything continued to go smoothly throughout pregnancy. I always test positive for Group B Strep and gain roughly the same amount of weight. This time around, I got some ugly spider veins and went in for extra screening at the end because of my age. I also found some relief from the heaviness of late pregnancy in a maternity support belt and thought, as I strapped it on the mornings, “well, I really have arrived!”

I so rarely had to wait to be seen at my prenatal appointments that I was surprised one day when the midwife was running quite late. But as my husband always watched the kids and sent me off alone, I treasured the quiet time and spent some of it praying for baby. I didn’t want to take the normal progression of events for granted, so I asked the Lord that the baby would turn head-down and that He would help me bear another labor when the time came. Amazingly, when the midwife finally stepped into the room, her first announcement was that the hospital had just gotten nitrous oxide after years of trying. It was this halfway measure which had so helped me in Susanna’s birth, so I rejoiced with her. When she palpated my belly a few moments later, she told me with full certainty that baby’s head was already down. How kind of the Lord to hear and answer my petitions so quickly!

On the Saturday before my due date, our church sisters hosted a shower for us—a beautiful afternoon tea on the lawn. I really didn’t need anything new for baby, and they are all just as busy as me with their own families, so their lavish kindness in celebrating daughter #5 with us was so meaningful. On the Tuesday following, one sister stayed late after Bible study to give me a personal acupressure session intended to induce labor. It didn’t, but it was tremendously relaxing and I felt so loved. I drove to the airport afterward to pick up my mom and dad.

One thing I did not do in preparation for baby was to drink raspberry leaf tea. I actually forgot it even existed until I was listening to a birth story podcast and heard it mentioned. That was rather funny because I had brewed and consumed it by the quart every day at the ends of my last three pregnancies. Though I’m only aware of anecdotal evidence in favor of raspberry leaf tea helping with labor, it seems strong in my case!

For the first time in a few babies, my due date came and went! We kept busy with Mom and Dad and enjoyed their visit, but at my 40 wk appointment, I agreed to have my cervix checked and membranes swept. That was an odd experience! “2-3cm” she said. I did have some prodromal labor after that, but nothing more promising yet.

A day later, it was Tuesday Sept 24, and after a slow and short evening walk, I started having a few more contractions. By 9 pm, the children were in bed, and I was still getting contractions regularly!  When I was expecting Susanna, one of my midwives in NC looked at my medical history and then looked me in the eye. “Don’t wait until 5-1-1. When you’re sure you’re in labor, please come to the hospital. We just had a baby born in the car, and we don’t want to do that again!” Ruthie’s labor had been very quick, and that could happen again!  Convinced that tonight was the night, we finished packing up the bags. Dad and Mom put their hands on us and prayed before we left for the hospital, and that remains a precious memory.

I called the midwife on the way, saying I was in labor but declining when she asked if she should rush right in. By baby #5, I surely had a good sense of how far along I was in labor! Ha. Hahaha.

We pulled into the hospital parking lot and took a selfie for a memory.  Apparently we parked a good ways from the ER entrance, which was the after-hours entrance. As we walked around to the proper door, I started to feel uneasy about how easy that walk was. My contractions had spaced out a bit. I confided to John my concern that I’d only be 4cm and they wouldn’t want to admit me! We went through the process of the sign-in, the wheel chair ride through the hospital, and arrival at L&D with no drama. I changed into the gown and climbed into bed as instructed for the monitoring period, and we played some Skip-Bo. But when the nurse checked me, she said I was in fact only 2 CM dilated!!

The doctor on call came in to discuss our situation, undoubtedly classifying me among any number of hopeful ladies past their due-dates experiencing some labor symptoms. Thankfully he was kind. He sent us home with a “see you again soon!” and we found our way back out of L&D, through the winding halls of the hospital and out again through the ER. No wheelchair this time. It felt like a bit like a walk of shame. 

It actually was nice to get home and back in my own bed for a while. I was still contracting, but we were able to sleep from about 12 to 3. That’s when I heard a dull popping sound and felt a small gush of water! Contractions picked up and I headed to the bathroom tenuously to change. There was no doubt now! I knocked on Mom’s door and she helped me wake John, because it was challenging to walk the length of the house back to our room without doubling over in a fairly hard contraction. 

John really didn’t want to have a second false alarm, but we eventually convinced him and got on our way again. This time we mercifully parked closer to the ER entrance, and this time I found the wheelchair ride was most comforting!   

When we got to L&D, the person pushing the chair was acting impatient to move things along, but I needed time to breathe through a contraction as I deliberately stepped up and out. The L&D nurse came right over, most gently identifying herself as Elizabeth and asking permission to hold my belly while I exhaled. “That was a good, strong contraction,” she soothed. “I’m going to call the midwife and tell her to come in right away.”

As far as I can recall, I was measuring 4 cm at admission, which was also around 4 am. Sitting in the bed was hard and I was relieved when the monitoring was over and I could sit on a birth ball—my favorite laboring position! 

Finally, around 6 in the morning, the midwife showed up with a chipper “good morning! Let’s see how you’re doing and if there’s any time for the shower!” I was 7 cm, hooray! Thinking transition was just around the corner, I requested the nitrous oxide instead of the shower. I wanted to be sure I had the gas option with me during the hardest part.

They wanted me in bed with the gas, which I understand; it made me so lightheaded that the cards which we had started playing again slipped out of my hand. We were still able to be creative with position changes, though—sitting up in bed, leaning over the back of the bed, and lying on my side. At 7, the nursing shift changed and I was delighted to ses the same nurse I’d had with Mercy’s birth show up!

Time was passing and I was still in hard labor. I took a bathroom break at some point, feeling heavy in the bowels, but felt only a little relief. The hip-squeezing which the nurse and John took turns at helped some. The lavender oil which the midwife massaged into my ankles was a comfort, but a small one. When she reached for my hand and started massaging pressure points, I pulled it away and probably stared daggers at her! “Oh, you know all my tricks, don’t you?!” We also listened to music throughout. From now on, Fernando Ortega’s album Come Down, O Love Divine will always make me think of Lilly’s birth!

8:00. 9:00. Between periods of light-headedness from the nitrous oxide, I began saying and thinking things like “I will never be able to do this again” and “Adam, what were you thinking?!!” But she was starting to say things like “Something is wrong. A fifth baby should not be taking so long.” I was getting to the “just cut the baby out of me” point and would have liked to have heard some affirmations, but instead was hearing things like “maybe your uterus is mushy. Maybe you need some pitocin.” That just didn’t make sense to me because my contractions were plenty hard!

Finally, she checked me again and I was at 9 cm with a cervical lip. That’s why I had been stuck in transition for 3 hours! The solution offered was not very appealing. “Lie on your side. During the next contraction, push a little while I push the lip back.” 

My natural response to this was “I can’t.”

And of course they retorted back with “Yes, you can! You’ve had four babies!”

But as anyone who has had four babies probably knows, pushing is something mostly involuntary. When it starts to happen, you can go along with it, but it’s hard to know what to do when it’s not already happening. When the next contraction came, we tried the plan. I don’t know if it worked; I suspect it didn’t. In the fog of nitrous oxide and prolonged transition, I was seriously doubting that I would ever actually give birth to a healthy baby.

The midwife took a break while I labored on, and John started sending out SOS prayer texts. “Get the people praying!” I said.  A minute later, the midwife came back in with some fresh ideas.  Would you like to try a birth stool? And if that doesn’t work, maybe an epidural and pitocin can be next. Yes! A position change is almost always a good thing!  They brought in the stool and set up a little station in front of John so I could lean back on him. We got me over there with some difficultly. 

The stool experience was awfully uncomfortable (hard to find anything not awfully uncomfortable at that point of labor). Thankfully it proved effective. The one really nice thing was being held by my husband during it all. Having been told to push as much as I could with the contractions, I did my best, and...it became a stool birth in more than one way. With the next contraction, I suddenly felt the warm, squishy baby head emerging, and the midwife guided me through the gentle process of easing her out. “At last! At last! And she’s alive?” Praise God. It was 9:13 am.

All told, I spent a very short amount of time on the stool, and everyone helped me back into bed to rest with baby and deliver the placenta. She was purple at first but quickly pinked up with some rubbing. She then latched on as if nursing were already an old habit, depositing some big squirts of meconium on my belly! Though I typically like to delay the bath, because it had been such a stool birth, I agreed to let them bathe her after she had nursed. She weighed 8 pounds 13 ounces. Second biggest.

We sheepishly had to admit to everyone who asked that we still had not settled on her name!  But we agreed on Lillian Rose, for my Grandma Lillian Reid, before all the big sisters came to visit around lunchtime that day. Oh how exciting that time was!

In retrospect, as much as I appreciated my midwife’s bedside manner and personal interest during office visits, I think that during labor I did better with the more hands-off approach of my NC midwife group. They weren’t there to be my friend; they were just there to catch my baby.  They weren’t emotionally invested in me, but they trusted my decisions. But overall, I have nothing to complain about—I’ve been given five beautiful little girls, all born healthy and without complications. What treasures, what trusts!