Susanna was our first surprise baby, and her early existense was a challenge for me. Though we had dreamed of more babies some day, there were good reasons to wait. I had so appreciated the 3 years between Ruth and Mercy, but Mercy and this new baby would be 21 months apart. I was on two medications for an old shingles infection at the time, and was slowly tapering off them, but pregnancy complicated that; I’d have to stop one of them early for baby’s sake. The second drug was relatively harmless, as far as we knew, and my doctor advised me to continue it, but I didn’t love exposing my baby to a drug for my sake. These things troubled me. With our insurance situation at the time, I couldn’t even see my familiar midwives. During my previous pregnancies, I had been able (by God’s grace!) to maintain a good and thankful attitude during morning sickness—the prize would be so worth it! But this time I struggled with acknowledging God’s sovereignty and goodness. It felt more like He was teaching us some lessons of humility. Maybe He was.
Given the circumstances, it was almost shocking to me to see a healthy little bean at the 8 week ultrasound! At this time, Ruthie was about five months post-op and still had hardware in her skull. A few weeks after baby’s ultrasound, Ruth developed an infection related to that hardware and was admitted to the hospital. That night was a hard one. There would be surgery in the morning, and Ruthie was very congested and inconsolable. She couldn’t get to sleep. As 9:00 PM came and my energy started to drain away in pregnancy fatigue, I didn’t know how I could be there for Ruthie all night. The next day, John had to come in with the other two girls to stay with Ruth while I went downstairs to my OB checkup. I apologized to the doctor because I hadn’t showered, changed clothes, or even put on deodorant since the night before. The timing of everything pregnancy-related just seemed wrong. I cried out to the Lord often to strengthen me, and asked other saints on social media to help us hold the ropes! I know they did.
As we got into the second trimester, things started looking up. After some encouragement from friends and much persistence, I was finally able to transfer my prenatal care to some midwives in our insurance network. They were new to me, but immediately felt like a better fit. They respected my experience as a fourth-time mom and as a woman who had worked hard to inform herself. They approached pregnancy with positive attitudes instead of seeming constantly to find some little thing that might go wrong. I could give birth here! Everything would be ok.
A few weeks after that, things changed even more. John got notified by his employers that our request to transfer back to telecommuting was granted! We fully expected them to reduce his salary to east-coast level and prepared to move back to NC. This had been our plan all along, and I was happy! It had been a good, good season in California and the goodbyes would be hard. We would have to move cross-country while pregnant for a second time. But I could have my baby at UNC. Maybe I could even have a doula! Maybe even a birth photographer.
What I didn’t know at the time was that all these steps were leading up to the most smooth and peaceful birth I would experience to this point. God would even be so gracious as to give us the easiest baby ever this time. He wasn’t going to let my plans work out to glorify me and my good sense. No, I am His child and He can’t let that happen. He would work through my life in His own mysterious ways to bring Himself all the glory. He had not forgotten us.
No comments:
Post a Comment